Evelyn Hugo: What Went Wrong With Her Husbands and What Went Right With Celia St. James

Read at your own risk: Major spoilers ahead.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid, is the novel of the decade. The story follows Monique Grant, a budding journalist, who is on a quest to write a postmortem autobiography about Evelyn Hugo, Hollywood's blonde bombshell star of the 50's and 60's. Notorious for her whopping seven failed marriages, when Evelyn was asked if she was bothered that all the crowds could ever talk about was her seven husbands, she shrugged it off, saying "No, because they are just husbands. Anyway, I'm sure they will be much more interested in my wife".

She was right. Because she was happier with Celia than she ever was with all of her husbands combined. And here's what every single one of them was like:

Poor Ernie Diaz

It was clear from the start that 15 year-old Evelyn only saw 22 year-old Ernie as her ticket out of New York poverty and into superstardom. He was likable and she felt loved, but they had nothing in common except the shared hunger to reach for something more. She found a man who was capable of putting a roof over her head while she was reaching for the skies.

However, their marriage was short-lived — to absolutely nobody's surprise. When she finally started getting the recognition she came to Los Angeles for, Evelyn realized she needed to single out and rebrand herself as Hollywood's fresh-faced newcomer that no man could ever touch. But she was trapped in the chains of being a housewife, and her management wanted her out of that marriage, so there was no choice really. She used Ernie for his money and Ernie loved her for her beauty and youth. Their relationship crumbled on non-existent common ground.

Goddamn Don Adler

I think I speak for everyone when I say Don secures the top spot for the most universally despised Hugo husband. For one, he was a product of nepotism while Evelyn came from the ground up. Their differences in upbringing added insult to their injury of a marriage.

But more than that, Don was as abusive as he was entitled. It is one thing to unintentionally hurt your wife physically once and apologize for it, but repeatedly slamming her against the coffee table and pushing her down the stairs when you're upset and under the influence should be an experience no woman, or human, for that matter, should ever go through. Don was only a good husband when he was happy. And he was only happy when his movies sold and his name had an Oscar win under it. His love for Evelyn was conditional. Evelyn's for him was all-encompassing. It hurt more knowing he was the first man she truly loved. She was sunshine, he was midnight rain.

Gullible Mick Riva

Singer Mick Riva is a walking ick. He had all the confidence of a performer when he confessed his admiration for Evelyn to the world but none of the balls to back up his love, or infatuation, rather. To protect her secret relationship with Celia and to preserve her relevance in the public eye, Evelyn went along with it, and the two married Las Vegas-style. But after just one night together, she realized Mick just cared about going to bed with Hollywood's most prized possession and bragging to the whole world about it. They were universes apart, and the whole marriage was surface-level, but just enough to draw away media suspicions of her queerness. Mick didn't deserve her, so he was used —and rightfully so.

Clever Rex North

This was a marriage of convenience. Rex and Evelyn were the lead love interests in their new adaptation. So, to generate publicity for their upcoming movie, Evelyn wanted to take it one step further, take their chemistry off-screen, and give the fans what they wanted. Rex was all ears. But it was her most uneventful marriage. It was loveless, compromising, and convenient at best.

Brilliant, Kind Hearted, Tortured Harry Cameron

Evelyn's relationship with Harry, though strictly platonic, was her most meaningful, happiest marriage yet. They both had demons to fight and people they loved that the world just could not accept yet. Harry loved a man, and Evelyn loved a woman, and it was in this tragedy that both found comfort and mutual understanding in each other's arms. They were best friends who raised a family together, who nursed each other's broken hearts. They were similar in countless ways and knew each other's pains all too well. In another world, they would have been soulmates, maybe not in this life, but perhaps in the next.

Disappointing Max Girard

There is nothing else to say about Max Girard except that he was vain, self-centered, and egotistical. He married her not because he loved her, but because he loved the idea of her. He loved the idea of a trophy wife to parade around the city. He loved the idea that while other men wanted Evelyn, Evelyn wanted him. He was getting a sick thrill out of the fact that he was married to Hollywood's most desirable. He wasn't in love, right when Evelyn was convinced he really was.

Agreeable Robert Jamison

For what it's worth, Robert really was agreeable. He loved his sister so much that he agreed to marry the woman she loved just so all her assets would be hers as well. He also was an astounding father figure to the newly fatherless Connor. But his vague personality and love for finance were not something Evelyn shared enthusiastically.

Celia

But oh, Celia. How she loved her. How Evelyn spent all her life yearning for the warmth of her smile and the softness of her touch. While all the men she ever dated were either too inferior or too vain for her, in Celia, she found an equal. She found the woman she would chip her tooth for while kissing the TV screen. The milkshake buddy she could talk to for hours on end. The reason she was ready to risk the reputation she so carefully built.

Celia was her person, her home. That love was all-encompassing, one they both knew they would not compete for, a mutual understanding written in the stars. They were similar in every way and soulmates in every universe.

They were right for each other because true love meant letting go in the hopes that one day, you'll find each other again. They found each other again, even if it was five years overdue. Celia and Evelyn's romance was a beautiful love story, cut short by the one thing they couldn't have —time.